My Great British Bake Off Nightmare

Isn’t it amazing to wake up to no stress, no yelling children, no worries?

As parents, we all know that this is almost an impossibility. For all non parents, you’ve got all of that to look forward to.

I’m usually woken by my alarm on weekdays and my youngest daughter Eliza, at weekends. 

On this particular Saturday morning, I wasn’t working and calmly woke in my own time at around 8.30 - 9.00 a.m. For once I wasn’t bursting for a wee (bonus) and felt an unusual sense of calm.

However this calm, beautiful feeling was short lived.

“MUMMY!!” Shouted Eliza from downstairs.


Lily is our small, pain in the arse dog. Yes, people say shes cute, sure, but they wouldn’t say that if they had to clean up her wee and poo everyday. Lily prefers to go to toilet in the comfort of our house, after all, why go out in the cold?

Okay, I thought that’s standard in our house, no worries (Helen will clean that up later).

Then, came the burning smell. What the hell is that?

I jumped out of bed and made a mad dash downstairs, almost tripping on a load of crap stacked at the bottom of the stairs (Piles of clothes and toys that the kids should have moved by now!)

Bursting into the living room I caught sight of Lily, sat on the sofa licking her private parts. *YUCK*

A bag of marshmallows was tipped over the floor and I hadn’t  yet discovered the source of the burning yet.

Eliza stood in the kitchen looking very proud of herself.

“I’ve made breakfast.” she beamed.

Milk was spilt over the worktop and down the the kitchen doors, on to the floor. The tin the stores coffee had water poured inside it, with two sugars (I don’t even take sugar).

Wait, what about the burning you say?

Inside the OVEN, was a PLASTIC BLUE BOWL filled with eggs, flour and goodness knows what else all melting inside! I was kind of impressed that she had managed to turn the oven on as my 12 year old son would have probably turned on a ring on the hob instead but still it was bad.

I immediately turned the oven off, opened the door and got the bowl out. The contents poured over the floor, through the burnt hole in the bottom and the whole thing was strategically lobbed out of the window into the garden. 

That would have been an unusual thing for the neighbours to see.


After some choice words, I gave Eliza a reassuring cuddle and explained the dangers of what she had done. She had of course meant well but had nearly caused a serious scene.

Unsurprisingly, I didn’t serve Eliza’s breakfast. We opted for safe, bowls of cereal instead. 

Thankfully no one was hurt and nothing was damaged in the making of this blog.

I did, however slip in the dogs poo whilst getting cleaning goods out from the cleaning cupboard. Brilliant!

Seriously though, although Eliza is watched every waking moment but  you simply can’t be there every second of every day.

Make sure that your house is as safe as possible, lock dangerous things such as liquid tabs and dangerous chemicals away in cupboards. Maybe switch electrical’s off at the wall or stay awake all night, waiting for your child to wake up.

The household has many dangerous products and items that children can injure themselves with so please be aware.

Stay safe people.

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